Randall ( Randy ) Tobias, a top State Department official ( AIDS being his specialty ) resigned the other day after admitting he'd been a client of the so called " DC Madame. "

ABC News is about to spill some more beans on the DC Madame. A lot of guys named John are losing sleep today, wondering if their ( last ) names will be revealed. This story reminds me of a story that broke in Hartford back in the early 1990s. I asked this question then, and I'll ask it now:

How does one distinguish between guys who commit a crime, i.e. pay for sex, and those who paid for nothing more than an escort. Someone to talk to.

A friend admitted back then to paying for a " Touch of Class " escort. He paid TOC the $125 fee. The escort's name was Rochelle. She said she was from New Rochelle, and he thought: What a coincidence.

I know what you're thinking. There's no way someone is going to pay $125 for a woman to get into a conversation with him. Well, you're wrong. That's sexist stereotyping. There are, indeed, some men who want want more from a woman than great sex.

My friend who was one of those men.

He was happily married. He and his wife and had no conversational problems . To speak of.

They'd been married for about fifteen years and had a normal conversational life. He knew at the time from reading some womens magazines that men of his age - he was in his thirties - were having problems. Their wives were growing tired of the talks they were having with their husbands.

In the early days of his marriage he and his wife would get into interesting conversations four or five times a week. Then it was two or three times a week. Then once or twice.

Then it was once a week. " And I'm talking small talk, " he told me. " Nothing like those all night bull sessions we used to have. "

My friend shared with me how he got involved with Rochelle. He called TOC. Asked for them to send someone over. Rochelle showed up. My friend said he put a Leonard Cohen tape in the stereo, asked Rochelle to make herself comfortable.

" I didn't want to rush into things, " my friend told me. " I said, ' How about a little small talk to start things off. ' "

He said he started talking about the latest Bill Moyers special on PBS.

" That broke the ice, " he said. " Then we got into a little Updike. "

Then he said they really got going. Aristotle, Kant's Critique of Pure Reason. Stuff like that.

He said when his time was up he asked Rochelle: " How was I? I mean compared to other guys you've been with? "

He said she said, " I had this English professor at Trinity. Guy could talk about anything. He was good, real good. But you weren't half bad, not bad at all. "

So. As this DC Madame story develops, don't be too quick to judge. Some guys. All they want to do is spend some time with a woman who's a hell of a conversationalist. My friend, John, he's living proof of that.