Tuesday, April 3, 2007

The monologist Mike Daisey is appearing this week in Cambridge, Massachusetts. On his blog, he solicited advice about what he should do while in Cambridge. The following is what I adviced him not to do...

Dear Mike Daisey:

Well, you asked for it. Advice on what to do and what not to do while you're working in the shadows of the Hancock and Prudential towers across the river in Boston.

Here's tip #1: Do not, I repeat. Do. Not...

Get involved with the Red Sox. Don't watch them. Don't listen to them. Don't read about their exploits in The Globe or The Herald. You get invested in these guys and they will break your heart, as they have broken mine over the years. Yesterday was opening day, a day on which a pitcher by the name of Curt Shilling got the nod. ( Forget the name immediately after reading this; send it to the showers. So to speak ) Shilling is the Red Sox " Ace. " The one they called upon to do much damage to the Kansas City team which they played on the first day of this season. Shilling was clobbered, hammered, bludgeoned, " touched " for eight hits and five runs. Ah, those sportswriters. The Eskimos are said to have 100 words for snow. The Beantown scribes have more words than that for losing. Because that's what being a Sox fan is about.

LOSS

So don't follow the team. If you wish to wind down after a performance in Cambridge, turn the TV on. Watch celebrity poker. Watch professional wrestling. Watch Emiril Legasse bake bread. But do not.

Do. Not. Invest your time in the Red Sox. You must think about winning ( over ) the crowd before which you will play there in April. That cruelest of months.

Good luck, Michael Daisey. Good luck and Godspeed. Break a leg and all that ( But don't break it at Fenway )

Terrence McCarthy, somewhere south of Pawtucket, Rhode Island ( Where the Sox minor league team loses its games )

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss. In Milwaukee, the Brewers WON their home opener against the Dodgers. Ben Sheets pitched all nine innings allowing only two hits. Final score was 7 to 1.

Oh yeah - Bill Hall was amazing both in the field and at the plate.

Join us - become a Brewer Fan.

Terrence said...

Wish you'd tell us your name. I'm curious. You could be Ben Sheets, or Bill Hall. Names with which I am unfamiliar. Speaking of Ben Sheets. He pitched all nine innings!? I thought MLB drafted a new rule about that. A players union thing, with the relievers ' careers in mine.

Rule 123.3&2 Section: 9: To wit:

No starting pitcher, i.e., a pitcher in the starting rotation, shall pitch no more than 8 innings in one 9 inning, ( Read: regulation ) contest.

Maybe I'm wrong on this. Maybe the rule's just for minor league games, played somewhere south of Pawtucket. Nonetheless, thanks for the comment.