I'm starting to get concerned about the whereabouts of Maureen Dowd. MoDo and I were an item a few weeks ago. I emailed her. She emailed me. I got back to her. She got back to me. I tried to make her laugh, and I did.

You may not have heard about this. It didn't make Page 6 in that tabloid.

Since MoDo and I locked onto each other in CyberSpace - since that last email I got from her, the one that cooed: " That's funny "...

She's been missing from the op-ed page of the New York Times. She had been writing two columns a week. Fifteen hundred words, many of them rhyming with each other. Many of them serving as bricks in a pun-like wall.

Now? Nothing from her. Where have you gone, Mo Dimaggio?

Where's Maureen?

We issue Amber alerts for non-descript kids stolen by live-in boyfriends who have been given the goodbye look by their motherly girlfriends. Who cares what happens to these little brats? How many of them will grow up and become what Maureen became?

I think it's time we issued an Amber Alert. For Maureen Dowd.

Last seen wearing a smirk. Last heard saying, " That's funny. "