tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7962184716696201124.post5511192859467287380..comments2019-11-04T23:51:13.430-08:00Comments on The Off The Fence Post: Terrence McCarthyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01060525725951968305noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7962184716696201124.post-55804984145860491312007-04-18T22:48:00.000-07:002007-04-18T22:48:00.000-07:00I'm starting to notice that the problem goes beyon...I'm starting to notice that the problem goes beyond people failing to acknowledge positive behavior. I think a good number of people actually resent compassion. Two things have happened to me recently to illustrate this.<BR/><BR/>First, I was driving home late at night, and a mouse or some small critter ran in front of my car. A car was coming the other way, so I was unsure as to whether I had run over the mouse or not. As I drove on, I wondered about it, and then I just wanted to know what had happened and whether the thing was suffering half-alive in the road. So, I turned around and checked. I found nothing, then headed home, chapter closed, or so I thought. When I later told this story, I was met with disdain, scolding, and accusations. Okay, I can see people thinking going back to check on a mouse is not something that they would do. Heck, I almost didn't. But, I was glad I did. It felt right. But why does that behavior need to be so upsetting and offensive to people who weren't even involved? Compassion envy?<BR/><BR/>The second incident happened tonight. I was at Barnes & Noble and asked whether they carried Fair Trade coffee. As is almost always the case when I ask such things, the counter staff asked me to repeat myself because they had never even heard of Fair Trade before. (That in itself is amazing. In a place where people actually read books, you would hope that at least a couple people a day would ask about the ethical standing of their coffee.) I briefly explained what Fair Trade coffee was, which then led the man standing next to me to make some negative comments, the gist of which was that I shouldn't be concerned about the farmers in foreign countries because farmers in this country are in bad shape, particularly in Appalachia. Well ya know, I would be totally glad to support Appalachian coffee growers should the climate get warm enough for shade-grown coffee in Appalachia. Anyway, I talked to the guy a bit. Turns out he used to be a farmer and they lost the family farm. He seemed much happier when I understood what that was about. <BR/><BR/>Lots of people just seem to act like there's not enough compassion to go around. It's like compassion for anyone or anything else is stealing from them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7962184716696201124.post-60126169630168032762007-04-18T05:46:00.000-07:002007-04-18T05:46:00.000-07:00Thanks KimiThanks KimiAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7962184716696201124.post-26834503519538868532007-04-17T21:10:00.000-07:002007-04-17T21:10:00.000-07:00You have hit on so much truth in this post that I'...You have hit on so much truth in this post that I'm having a hard time knowing where to begin in the sea of possible comments. <BR/><BR/>First, thank you. You are someone who has served your country on the frontlines of the homefront. Few people understand let alone acknowledge how important that is. When you give people an alternative to violence, some human respect, and a way to save face they generally take it. You showed that. And once they try something new the odds that they will lash out at someone out in the "real world" start to decrease a little. Well, that's true if a few other people reinforce what you do. Unfortunately, the mental health world often gives conflicting messages. But thank you for doing your part to make the outside world a little less violent for everyone.<BR/><BR/>I know what you mean about not needing to be validated because at one level the observable outcomes matter, not what people say. BUT the kind of work you did takes emotional energy that needs to be refueled from time to time. In the long run, the synergy of human connection is necessary for that. Secondary trauma, common among caregivers, is largely ignored. It's a shame. We waste much human potential because we get so focused on blame that we forget to support the good. It's not that hard to catch people doing something right, yet we don't like to do it. I think some people are afraid that acknowledging other people's strengths will somehow make them weaker. <BR/><BR/>As for preventing violent tragedies, I've been thinking about that for a long time because in the late 80s, I saw the most vulnerable population of young kids in Connecticut start to grow more violent. The things that are happening today seemed inevitable then but somehow seemed too horrible to actually happen. What was seen as "normal" was far tamer then, and no one was willing to look at the signs pointing to the future downward shift of the bell curve. <BR/><BR/>A lot can be done to prevent future violence. I can't put it in blog-sized soundbites, though. I do know this: the answers are either right in front of us or pretty close by. The first steps just takes a willingness to observe, ask, and build solutions together. We've got to get away from the blame game. We've all got a part to do. It's not for someone else "out there" to solve. We have to stop dehumanizing each other.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com